Say jokes
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
Q. What did one Iron atom say to the other Iron atom?
A. "We're in the Matrix."
Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
There's a saying that goes, "Only gay men know how to dress." Of course they know how to dress! They were in the closet!
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.
Let's just say Dawn got very mad.
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?
I yam.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."
When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."
Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"
Son:...... um
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"