Say jokes

My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"

A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.

Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.

What do sperm say while just in?

"We need to go deeper."

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

The doctor says, "Next, please."

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."

You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."

What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

"Hey, Prince, I want to say, "Don't die, I love you!"

What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

To say sorry to the other side.

What did Nemo say to the emo?

"Be careful, you can't Nemo your way out of emo."

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.