Say jokes
When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?
I yam.
Q. What did one Iron atom say to the other Iron atom?
A. "We're in the Matrix."
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"
A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."
When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."
Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"
Son:...... um
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?
Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)
Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
John saw a Gay in a wheelchair.
"I didn't know a man could be a fruit and a Vegetable!"