Say

Say jokes

Man

    • A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”

    The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”

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    • Bible

    • It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely… So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.

    Comeback

    • Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

    The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

    Rape

    • How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

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    • Say memes

    Pregnancy

    • My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

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    • Penguin

    • A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.

    Disneyland

    • Hey guys! Ello here with an update!

    I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!

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    • Cow

    • Two cows in a field.

    One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"

    The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"

    Man

    • A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

    Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

    Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

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    • Cream

    • Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"

    His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."

    A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"

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    • Man

    • An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

    After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

    Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

    The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

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    • Credit Card

    • Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?

    When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.

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    • Kid

    • When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

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