Say jokes

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

"This tastes a little funny."

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

Hey, y'all, I just wanna say thanks to Gwen on here. She writes jokes, and she got me through a lot xx.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

An orphan walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Buddy, you have to go home." The orphan replies, "Where is home?"

When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."

What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?

I yam.

Q. What did one Iron atom say to the other Iron atom?

A. "We're in the Matrix."

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Owl say.

Owl say who?

Yes, they do.

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.

Let's just say Dawn got very mad.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?

"ERROR"

What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"