Say jokes

You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

Hey, y'all, I just wanna say thanks to Gwen on here. She writes jokes, and she got me through a lot xx.

When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.

Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!

My friends: Hi to my little friend!

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Owl say.

Owl say who?

Yes, they do.

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?

"I think I feel a connection!"

Q. What did one Iron atom say to the other Iron atom?

A. "We're in the Matrix."

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?

I yam.

Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.

Let's just say Dawn got very mad.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?

"ERROR"

What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"