You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
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It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?
I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.
Beans, beans, beans. Say what? Say beans, beans, beans.
Whoever is deleting my messages, comment and say why!
What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?
"I think you're overreacting."
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Cow says,
"Cow says who?"
No! Cow says moo!
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
What did the cow say to the prostitute?
Moo.
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
What did the first rape victim say to the second rape victim?
"You are a consequence of rape!"
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!
Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)
Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
