Say jokes
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
Q: What did the Iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
What does the policeman say to the jumper?
"Hey! Pullover!"
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
What did a car say hi to?
It said hi to the school.
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.
What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked? "Stop it! It hertz so much!"
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."