Say jokes
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You're my closet confidant!"
What did the rapper say to the broken vending machine?
"Yo, drop the BEAT!"
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?
"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"
What did the rapper say to the ATM?
"Show me the money, or I'll drop a BEAT!"
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You've got me DROPPING like it's HOT!"
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"Drop it like it's HOT!"
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.