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A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"

A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"

The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"

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    • What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

    "You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

    Say hi to outer space. Hi, now say how are you doing to the moon. Hi, how are you doing? Why are you wasting your time? XD lol

    What did one astronaut say to the other astronaut after landing on the Moon?

    "Ah! And people thought we were moons!"

    If a heterosexual man wanted his dick sucked, what would a feminist say to him that a gay man would never say to him?

    "Not now, I have a headache."

    Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.

    Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"

    Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"

    A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.

    A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"

    A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.

    "This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.

    She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"

    Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"

    Me and kid: hug.

    Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.

    A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.

    A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.

    The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”

    Lady: Will you fuck me?

    Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

    Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

    Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

    A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

    The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

    The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

    The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

    The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."