Say jokes
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"
Why is something orphans can never say?
"Let's go home."
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
What did the Asian say to the Asian?
*Cough*
What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”
What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?
“You got nice buns!”
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"
What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.
What did the banana say to his neighbor? Yellow!
What did the shark say when it ate the clownfish?
It tasted funny!
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."