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A Russian, a Cuban, and an Englishman are on a ship. The Russian takes a swig of vodka and throws the bottle overboard. The Cuban and Englishman with astonishment say to the Russian, "What did you do that for?"
The Russian says, "In Russia, we got an unlimited supply of vodka."
A little while later, the Cuban lights up a cigar, takes a puff, and throws it overboard. The Cuban says, "We got an unlimited supply of Cuban Cigars in Cuba."
Then the Englishman grabs a Paki and throws him overboard...
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
What did the SS say when A.H. was running out of ideas?
"You Wannsee my 'final solution'?"
What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!
Why did the gay guy say the n word? Cos he's retarded.
Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.
It says, "271032."
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"