Say jokes
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
"Say what you want about the deaf."
What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?
"Okay, Boomer."
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?
"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”