Say jokes
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?
"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.
Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."
You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.
You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.
You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.