Say jokes
What did Stephen Hawking say when trying to talk to a reporter? Beep boop beep beep boop.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
What did the other wave say to the other wave?
"Nothing, they just waved!"
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What did the hairline say to the hat?
"We go way back..."
What did the Brit say to the American?
Well here comes fascism.
What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!
What did the Roman say to the gladiator?
See you later, gladiator.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
What did Omnicron say to Delta?
"Same race, bud, different evolution."
"SIX FEET AWAY, OMNI! SIX FEET AWAY!"
What did the horses say to the donkeys?
"Jackasses, please like!"
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!