Said jokes

Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"

So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."

So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"

The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"

Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."

If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.

Yo forehead so big that when I asked Vegeta how big it is, he said “IT’S OVER 9000!”

This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."

Jo mama so fat that when aliens invaded earth, they said, "Wow, two in one!"

My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.

I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.

Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.

So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?

Bully: Agh, you're ugly!

Me: Said your mom when you were born.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she saw on her computer it said "You have 3 cookies," she broke it.

So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"

"I fancy Hunter, my big sugar daddy," said the orphan, clearly lying.

What did A say to Y?

"You cannot be alpha like me." :)

Y said, "Why? (Y)"

I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3

The waiter recommended the rug meal.

She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.

I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."