Said jokes

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

A Chinese teacher's phone rang as he was going to class, and he said:

"My phone the ring ring, it's my wife ring ring."

When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."

An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."

Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.

Boy/girl: I love you.

Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

"Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can’t stand these people. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"

Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"

"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.

I saw a cat. It said, "Raisin" when he saw a nut. Hahaha, I am a crappy joker. Put me in the nerd club.

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

"What do you want to eat?"

"You choose."

"Children."

"What?"

*Picks up pot*

"You said anything!"

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!

"Paper is 2D!" said Pen.

"No, it's 3D!" said Pencil.

After Pencil proved it to Pen, Pen said, "Oh, I suppose you're write."

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!