Said jokes

A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"

Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"

The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."

The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"

Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

One man said, "The audacity on that deaf kid!"

The other man said, "Bro, does he even have audio?"

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:

"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

Your mum (mom) so fat, she wore a yellow T-shirt, they said "Taxi!"

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.