Said jokes

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

Who said, "That's a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind?"

Not Stephen Hawking.

The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.

Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"

The kid replied, "I'm not sad."

Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."

Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"

He replied, "There's no 'F'."

Me: "There's no family."

A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"

Fork off!

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

Why can't orphans say "mommy: me?" Because the fosters said no.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!

Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"

#she is sex*

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"