Said jokes

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:

"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

Yesterday I got detention because I said to the emo kid, "Come hang with us."

Your mum (mom) so fat, she wore a yellow T-shirt, they said "Taxi!"

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.

"Why?" said her friend.

"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"

"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.

"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!