Said jokes

Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.

And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"

The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

"Stop it," said he.

I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.

Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.

Silence...................punch!

Yo chin is so bumpy, someone said, "Is that Mt. Everest?"

A boy went to a genie and said, "I want to be like Batman."

He went home, his parents weren't there.

In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"

His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."

Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."

Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."