Said jokes

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"

It's often said that people peaked in high school.

I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.

As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.

Sauron said, "Eye see all."

When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."

The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."