Said jokes

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"

He replied, "There's no 'F'."

Me: "There's no family."

A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"

Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!

Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"

#she is sex*

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"

Fork off!

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Look under...

Under where?

You just said underwear!

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.

"I thought you quit," replied the guard.

"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."

My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”

That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].

Why did Iran, ran?

Iran said, "I ran away!"

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.