Said jokes

Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

While fucking, my sister said, "Brother, you are so naughty! You fucked our elder aunt every day in the absence of my uncle and cousins and made her pregnant!" Little did she know, I fucked our mother every day in the absence of her, my father, and my elder brother and made my mom pregnant as well!

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?

Katie said that her jokes were fire. They were.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.

My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maid: "No, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰

This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

Lil Johnny went to school and said, "Teacher, if you let me poop my pants, I will let you have my dad and his money. Will you do it, Mrs. Johnson?"

Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV when I was watching a show, I waited, and when she finally passed by, Netflix said suggestions: Hulu, and Peacock.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"

To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."

Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."

The police said "How old are you?"

Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.

I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."