Said jokes

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.

How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.

He said, "Best surprise ever!"

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.

What is it called when you talk in Panera Bread?

Panera said.

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."