Said jokes

Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.

Yo momma so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."