Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
My dog died. I'm so sad.
Orphans are lonely.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
It's sad someone has ligma.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
Why are orphans sad?
Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?
The clock actually comes back around.
I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.
Because I am an orphan.
I went on an orphan website. Sadly, there was no home page.
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?
