Upset Jokes

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them. He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.

Guys, We need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

My last relationship ended because my ex girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset, to be honest I didn't like her anyway, she kept telling me I never listen, or something like that

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

Everybody is mad cause that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair. I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset, she said it’s to small, so that’s all, but later that day, he wanted to say, every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lieing, she started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all, everyone said, fly away big chunky balls.

There was this man and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. 2 of my best friends have it and its actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. Its really not funny to joke about depression.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."