Run jokes
You're snorting cocaine with your buddies. Your eyes are closed, feeling the bliss of drugs, when suddenly something wet touches your nostril. Your buddy Mark stuck his PENIS in your face. You look up at Mark, and he says, "I'm sorry," and runs away, his pants still down.
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, βMommy, can little girls have babies?β
βNo,β said his mom, βOf course not.β
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, βItβs okay! We can play that game!β
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
What runs but does not walk? It's water.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
Why don't orphans drink milk?
'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married? The wedding ring.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
What does a perverted frog say? "Rubbit."
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.
How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells.
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
Let's play carpenter! First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
How is life like toilet paper? You're either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off.
What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip."
What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam.
What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers.
What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas.
Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes.
A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
What did one butt cheek say to the other? "Together, we can stop this crap."
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator.
Why did the midgets laugh when they run?
Because their balls dragged along the ground. π ππ€£
What runs but never stops?
Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.
We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.
Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for Β£10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
If an orphan has a nightmare, they should run to their parents. Oh wait!
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).
Why canβt orphans have a horse?
Because they run away like their mum did.
"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed Iβm on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."
The reason why people are short is because their dad never came back with the milk.