Athletics jokes
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They won't be able to find home.
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.
Bro, your hairline and an athletics track have one thing in common: they look like Humpty Dumpty.
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
A skinny black person named "Treyvon Robinson" joins a pickup basketball game at the local court, trash-talking about his "superior athletic genes" while munching on a stolen bag of Skittles. The ref blows the whistle for a foul, and he argues, "That ain't fair, I'm just naturally dominant!"
But the team's coach, a burly black dude who's been eyeing him all game, grabs him by the jersey, blindfolds him with a sweaty headband, slathers lube from his gym bag all over, and pile-drives his ass courtside in a twisted BDSM slam dunk, yelling, "Now taste the rainbow, punk!"
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Why do athletes cool down fast? Because they have fans.
Wash your hands.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
Black people run fast.