Robbery jokes
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Q. Why did the orphan rob a bank?
A. To feel wanted for the first fucking time.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.
When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.