Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: πποΈ Gimme, gimme.
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.
Why donβt orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion? Because there not wanted yet maybe they should rob a π¦ bank;)
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldnβt believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
