Roast

Roast jokes

Fat

You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.

You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.

Insult

1. Your brother says... “you look ugly.” You say back... “Nice, I was trying to look like you.”

2. You're so dumb, I'm surprised you even made it to kindergarten.

3. The ugly vowels: A, E, I, O, and YOU.

Mama

Yo mama is so ugly that even Donald Trump couldn't be inside her dreams.

Parent

What is the difference between you and me? I have parents and yours left...

Mom

Bully: Agh, you're ugly!

Me: Said your mom when you were born.

Mama

Ur mama so fat that when she went to the ocean, all the whales started singing, "We are family," even knowing your fatter than me.

Mama

Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

Mum

Your mum is so fat that when she looks in the mirror, the mirror cracked!

Mum

Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.

Question

When someone says don't talk back to me, say, "I wasn't aware that answering a question was considered talking back."

Mirror

If you looked in the mirror, you would see an ugly person, which is you.