Roast jokes

You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.

I punched you so hard that I'll call you "Droppy Pussy."

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.

One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!

Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!

Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.

Balls.

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

Ass.

I wanna die.

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!

You are so small that you play hockey against the curb!

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

Do you know how Chinese people roast? They say, "Boy, if you don't get your chi chong head, boy!"