Road

Road jokes

Antenna

  • These are all of my terrible jokes.

    Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.

    A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"

    Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

    I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"

    A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."

    A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

    Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

    Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.

    What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.

    A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.

    What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

    I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

    A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.

    I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.

    A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.

    Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.

    What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.

    What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.

    Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.

    Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.

    There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

    Beer

  • What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"

    What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"

    Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!

    Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!

    Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!

    What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!

    Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!

    What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!

  • 1
  • Son

  • My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

  • 0
  • Emo

  • I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

    I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

  • 8
  • Disease

  • Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road? Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

    Chicken

  • Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Answer:

    The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."

  • 1
  • Chicken

  • Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!

    Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!