Road jokes

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.

All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?

That.

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!

A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.

Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?

A: Reading road signs.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because he doesn't have parents.

What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"

Why are orphans lucky?

Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the British bastard and get the egg roll.

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

IDK! WHY?

To go see yo mama!

Why did the knight cross the road?

He can't because his armor was too heavy.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

Kat, what? I did. A cat jump over the road because he believes he came flying in the clouds. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah! So funniest kitten kitten kitten kidding is my last time of Do you Joooooooooooooooooooooookin?

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.

MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.

"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."

"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"

"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."

"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"

"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."

Why did the Down syndrome person cross the road? Because there was a zebra crossing!