Road jokes
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To help Stephen Hawking cross!
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
Why did the Mafia cross the road?
Forget about it...
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.