Why did the sperm cross the road? To get to the vagina!
My favorite thing to do on my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, SHUTTING DOWN
son: yo dawg, tell me a story dad: yall motherfuckers aint gon believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a kfc, and comes out with wings, chicken wings. Also why did hawking try to walk across the road, his wheelchair only goes 1 mph so he got hit by a bus.
Why did Stephen hawking cross the road oh wait he didn't
Why Did prices Dyana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a sheet belt.
Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
Because it did not have the guts.
There are three men walking down the road and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm there is a cow a monkey and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money and the farm is going out of business. One of the men's sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest but it's so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them in suggested that they put a cork up the cows behind. The first guy says okay then go put a cork there. I don't want to do it you do it no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it. And the monkey puts the cork in the couch behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm. The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of cow. Guys we need to take the cork out of the cow he says. Well I'm not going to do it you do it, no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it again. So the monkey uncorks a cow. And there was a huge explosion.... a few days later the three men wake up in the hospital. The doctor walks up to the first man what happened he asks the first man replies all I remember is that a horrible sound. The doctor walks up to the second man and asks what happened. All I remember is that horrible smell.... The doctor walks up to the third man and again ask the same question. The third man looks at him and says all I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in.
Why did Princess Di cross the road? Momentum.
Why did the pedophile cross the road? Because there was a school on the other side
Why did the chicken cross the road Answer: to get to his job at KFC
Why did the liberal cross the road?
(Ah fuck this shit imma kill myself)
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily! Get it? I don't either- I get the New York Times!
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need. Grenades, guns, ammo unless it was bolted down it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude. When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?", he asks. "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
why did the egg cross the road ?
cause he wanted to be scrambled
Why did the chicken cross the road.....it was running away from Kernel Sanders. Hehehe
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
