Revealing jokes
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
Mom: I saw John Cena at WWE.
Son: No way, you can’t see him though.
Mom: God!
Son: What?
Mom: You watch too much reality TV (comes to smack butt).
Son: Also because I’m John Cena.
Mom: Where, where’d ya go?
John Cena: Hey, Mom.
Mom: I’m only 31, you’re 42.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
I'm a turd.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."
Let's tell a secret about each other... I'll go first.
I
hate
you!
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
My name is Jeff.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.