Response jokes
..., I'm gay.
A. No
B. Maybe
C. Leave blank
D. Yes
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
Gf: Hi.
Bf: Hi.
Gf: Did you eat yet?
Bf: Did you eat yet?
Gf: Are you copying me?
Bf: Are you coping me??
Gf: I love you.
Bf: Yeah, I ate already.
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
What do you say to a bully?
I might not be perfect, but at least I'm not you!
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
The man says, "Can you hump me?" So the other boy says, "Bro bro bro bro bro."
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"