Response jokes
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?
Kiss my ASCII!
Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.
I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
F*ck me!
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
No, you!
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
When someone says don't talk back to me, say, "I wasn't aware that answering a question was considered talking back."
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
If your best friend tells you that he's gay for you, what do you do? Tell him, "Oh, nice gay ass."
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
Why is the Moon red today?
The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
No, you!