"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: *hangs up*
This homeless lady called me ugly so I told her “ok then imma just go on home”
what do you say to an upset down syndrome person... “what’s bringing you down?”
I told a joke and some1 said "no one asked" then i said "no one would care to even ask"
My attitude doesn’t have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head
this is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? i see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T i repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. i hope you see this and respon and that you are okay plz Gwen be honest.
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie. I responded "yes" and he said: "okay, 14159"
A girl named Sally has no arms. "KNOCK KNOCK" She never answered...
Comebacks when someone say Bully: Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic. Say: At least its brighter than your future
Credit x/@jesopa
It was dinner in the plane and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner "What are my choices?"the passenger said.? "Yes or No," the flight attendant replied.
Little Johnny's sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, "That is my garage". The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?" Suzy says, " Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What do you do when a woman is choking? Back up a couple inches
The 911 people really dint scramble fast enough so they got folded like and omelet
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office. "I'm feeling like killing myself," he said. "Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
what do u say to a girl with two black eyes nothing you told her twice
My dad told me that his dreams were shatterd a few years ago
Then i asked him how many years ago
He replied with ”when were you born?”
