Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
Everybody asks, "What's up?" but nobody asks, "What's down?"
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?
Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
Hey guys, it's Hailey here.
I'ma start off with henlo ;-;
I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.
So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.
Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.
I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.
Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.
I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
Sorry but, no one asked.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
What do the initials FEMA stand for?
Federal Erection Management Agency.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not.
9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
