Response jokes

The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.

The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."

One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.

Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."

"I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."

So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight."

Her friend said "No, it's 666-3629."

If a heterosexual man wanted his dick sucked, what would a feminist say to him that a gay man would never say to him?

"Not now, I have a headache."

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?

Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.

One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.

A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”

What did the horse say after it tripped?

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

A girl named Sally has no arms.

"KNOCK KNOCK"

She never answered...

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

A friend asked me, "Where are you going?" I answered, "6 feet underground."

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"

Everybody asks, "What's up?" but nobody asks, "What's down?"