Reproduction jokes
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
Do you know how babies are made? The boy puts his penis in the girl's butt and goes up and down for ten minutes. Then the girl takes a pregnancy test, and if it says no, then you keep doing it until she is pregnant.
The boy will lick the girl down there, and she will put his penis in her mouth and suck it. Then he will spit on his hand and rub it on her boobs and lick/suck them.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
I put on the wrong socks this morning.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
Why did the sperm cross the road? To get to the vagina!
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
What's a word that starts with "m" and ends in "airage" and all men like it?
Miscarriage. The joke never gets old just like the baby.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.