One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb." The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."
Man Goes To The Doctor He Has A Banana sticking out of one ear , a carrot stinking out of the other ear and a green been stinking out of one nostrils. "Doctor, I'm not feeling well" the man complains. " Well, it's no wonder" The Doctor replies " You're not eating right"
A cheetah and a lion are racing... The cheetah wins...
The lion says, "You a cheetah!"
The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"
A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late, his best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure" he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?' "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
a conductor was conducting a song, at the end he through his conductor's stick and killed someone, he was put to the electric chair but nothing happened, they asked why he didn't die and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor"
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said “THATS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” the man replied with “no, it’s not domestic violence it’s DUMBASS-D*CK VIOLENCE”
One day in class little Johnny was mucking around not listening to the teacher after 5 minutes the teacher caught him and finsh what she said and said little Johnny if you weren’t listening what was the last thing I said and little Johnny replied back you said what was the last thing I said
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"
She responds: “see that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”
The kid replies: “but mom, I’m blind!”
Mom: “Exactly.”
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with "I think I need to break up with you"
One day, a little girl was texting her friend. " Guess what Angelica!" said the little girl
"What?" Angelica replied
"I'm a guy."
Bro the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died and do you know the meme "No Bi***es?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.
Al fayed’s son arrives at heavens gates and sees his driver He shouts ‘ you stupid cunt ‘ The driver says ‘ Watch Boss? ‘ Dodi replies..::::: I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked. "Daddy why are you banned from coming to elementary school?", The dad calmly replies. "Because that's how I met your mother.".
on the first day of school, the teacher asked a student " what are your parent's names?" the student replied " my father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is smiling" the teacher said " are you kidding" the student said, "no kidding is my brother I am joking."
A man went to the doctors and the doctor said “what happened to you?” The man replied and said “I broke my arm in two places!” Then the doctor replied with “DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!”
Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait
You're so ugly that when you were born your mother asked "how does my little treasure look", and the doctor replied, I think we should bury it immediately.
