Religion jokes
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
Memes
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
What do you call a space Muslim?
A Tusken Raider.
What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?
Might in dynamite.
Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?
A: He got nailed first.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.