Religion jokes

Why do Indian men marry fat women?

Because they worship cows.

Why does Saturn have a ring?

Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.

Why don't churches have WiFi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?

A: They've dealt with a burning bush.

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?

CrossFit.

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"