If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
Religion Jokes
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?
A: He got nailed first.
What do you call a space Muslim?
A Tusken Raider.
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
