Religion jokes

"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."

Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?

Because they blow up in your face.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

Why does Saturn have a ring?

Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?

"We need to circumcise that one."

I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

They'll fall right through his hands.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?

Might in dynamite.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?

A: He got nailed first.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.