Religion jokes
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
Did you hear about the Mormons?
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
That’s why the nickname for your hairline is the Red Sea.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
Yo mama is so fat and old, when Jesus said "Let there be Light!" he told your mama to move out of the way!
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"