Religion jokes

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

Why do Indian men marry fat women?

Because they worship cows.

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?

CrossFit.

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.

Devil: Hey angel.

Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?

Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?

Angel: What?

Devil: Angelpinos!

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?

A: They've dealt with a burning bush.

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.