Religion jokes

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

They'll fall right through his hands.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?

Might in dynamite.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?

A: He got nailed first.

What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?

"We need to circumcise that one."

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."

Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?

Because they blow up in your face.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?