Religion jokes

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?

A: He got nailed first.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.

Did you hear about that Muslim party?

It was a blast!

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?

A: They've dealt with a burning bush.

Why don't churches have WiFi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

Devil: Hey angel.

Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?

Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?

Angel: What?

Devil: Angelpinos!