Religion jokes
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?
Might in dynamite.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?
A: He got nailed first.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
What do you call a space Muslim?
A Tusken Raider.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
What's the difference between acne and the Pope?
Acne waits till you're 13 to cum on your face.
Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?
We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?