Religion jokes

What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?

Might in dynamite.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?

CrossFit.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.

Devil: Hey angel.

Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?

Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?

Angel: What?

Devil: Angelpinos!

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.