Religion jokes

What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?

They both came in a little behind.

And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"

Why did God create women before men?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So that they had someone to call father.

What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?

They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

This isn't a joke.

There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?

Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?

Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?

They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.

What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?

I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.

God: “Steven, join us.”

Sees the staircase to Heaven.

Steven: “Ahh, fu-”

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

Why do orphans go to church?

They go there to finally call someone "father."

Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.

Find Jaiden.

Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke

Jaiden got lost after I looked for Jokes.

Also the Category is Jesus because Jesus got lost as well.

Yo mama so black, when God saw her, he said, "Let there be light!" but twice.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

Jesus got rejected. A few years later he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.

Get off this site and go have some sex, you fucking virgins.