Religion jokes
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
What's the difference between acne and the Pope?
Acne waits till you're 13 to cum on your face.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Memes
People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.
2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her hahaha š¤£
Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
What do you call a Muslim with Touretteās? A ticcing time bomb.
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: ākati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.ā
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?
"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."