Religion jokes

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

They'll fall right through his hands.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?

"We need to circumcise that one."

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”

Why do Indian men marry fat women?

Because they worship cows.

Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

What's the difference between acne and the Pope?

Acne waits till you're 13 to cum on your face.

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.

2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.

They say Jesus walked on water.

That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?

Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”