Religion jokes

Why do orphans go to church?

They go there to finally call someone "father."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress up as the altar boy.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck her hahaha 🤣

Who would win?

The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,

Or one horny Henry?

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.

2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.

Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,

but died on the cross.

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.

What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

Boy: *scares girl*

Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"

Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*

Girl: What work?

Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"

How to make holy water:

1. Grab a pot.

2. Put water in it.

3. Set the stove to 420 degrees.

4. Boil the hell out of it.

What's a priest's favorite fruit?

Cantaloupe.

Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?

So there’s more for the priest.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!