Religion jokes
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!