Religion jokes
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Hello, this is Godlygirl26. I want to help people with their problems no matter what. There is nothing that God cannot do. I want y'all to know that God is with you, not any of those stone or wood "gods" but a true, loving, powerful God. DM this right here and I will answer. Hope I can help you! Love, Godlygirl26.
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
Memes
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!
If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?
That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)
The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!
Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You can hang the picture with one nail.
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
What is the difference between a priest and a zit?
The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.