Religion jokes
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!
Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.
Memes
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit