What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
Religion Jokes
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
