What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
Religion Jokes
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.
I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.
But one day I realized, they Israel.
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
I told her roses are red, violets are blue. God made me pretty, what the hell happened to you! MF😅🤣😂
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
