Religion jokes
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
What is different about priests and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
Religion
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.