Religion jokes

Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?

A: Not very interesting.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.

Why does the orphan go to church? He needs someone to call father.

Twin monks who ring the church bells died.

Now they are dead ringers. :)

What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?

They can both flash.

What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?

They can both flash.

I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.

Don’t bother me none, babe!

Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!

“Hol up”

Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"

What do Jesus and I have in common?

No one knows my real bday either.

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Why is Biden a priest?

So kids call him father.

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?

Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.

🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷

What's Christian and holey?

JFK.

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

How does Jesus whistle?

By blowing through the holes in his hands.