Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
Religion... That is all
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
