Religion jokes
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
Why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest remove zippers from the pants of gay men in the LGBT community?
Because he lost his key to his house and he was desperate to get back inside of his house and he thought that one of keys to their zippers would be able to unlock the door of his house.
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
What is another name 🤔 for Holy water 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 🚽 toilet water.
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
😫 😂 😑 🤔 😳 😬 😑 🙄
🥴 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺
🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸 🍸 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴
🐴 🐴 🐴 🐴
Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
To Drew the Devil,
We NEED to talk RN. I'm very mad at you, and we need to talk.
Angry Alex
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
God said the first person to kill Hitler goes to heaven.
Hitler: Kills himself.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe
Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
The Fast of Ramadan
In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.
For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.