"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Religion Jokes
Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe
Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
The Fast of Ramadan
In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.
For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
What did the priest say to the Muslim? Wazza!
Jesus.
Why did a minister who is a Christian nationalist and a bisexual man give anonymous blowjobs to physically handicapped gay men under the handicapped stalls inside the men's restrooms at a rest area?
He wanted to eat footlong hotdogs for lunch at the rest area, but he wanted a sample first (taster).
Wanna hear a joke?
Jesus being real.
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Bob: Siri, call 666!
*dialing noises*
Bob: Hello?
Bob's dad: Hi!
Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.
