What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
God's racist. He separated light from dark.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.
What do you call a priest that is a furry? A catholic
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
