Religion jokes

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

Why did the sun go to church?

Because it needs Jesus.

[God creating a jellyfish]

God: How about an evil bag?

[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?

[god creating alligators]

God: See that log?

Angel: Yes...?

God: Now fill it with teeth.

Angel: Say again?

God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!

[God creating sharks]

God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.

Angel: Seems excessive but ok.

God: And make them mean as hell.

Angel: WTF y.

God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.

Angel:...

God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.

Angel: Why do I still work for you?

God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.

How does Jesus make tea?

Hebrews it.

A gay couple actually goes to heaven. Turns out Jesus was a hypocrite.

Why did Steven Hawkins go to hell?

Because he couldn't walk the stairs to heaven.

What is a priest's favorite song?

-- Magic Flute in A minor.

Christianity.

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.

What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.

Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.

What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?

The priest stopped him on the way there.

Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.

I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.

The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.