I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Religion Jokes
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.
He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.
I asked, "Where are you going?"
He said, "Camp Bin Laden."
I asked, "What do they do there?"
He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."
I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"
He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
God.
6jhyrgeda.
This isn't a joke.
There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
Q: What do you call a religious Wookie?
A: Jewbacca.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Why did the cow steal an AK-47?
He was a mooslim.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
I got a joke.
Allahu Akbar!
Why is a tree brown?
If you are thinking about this, you are racist.
