Religion jokes
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
What's hot and hard?
Me when I look at children.
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
What's similar between McDonald's and priests?
They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
Why did Aaron slit his wrists?
Because it's him.
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
God's racist. He separated light from dark.