Relationship jokes

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

What do tampons and your sister have in common?

My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.