Relationship jokes

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

What do tampons and your sister have in common?

My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

Women understand each other.

That’s why they argue.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."