Relationship jokes
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because it's all about family!
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.