Relationship jokes

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

Neither of them respect boundaries.

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.