Relationship jokes

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.

The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."

I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.

Why didn't the wife want sex?

Because they were having too many babies.

If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.

Son: I love you, Dad.

Dad gets in car and drives away.

My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and sick his dick.

GF: Laying down.

BF: GROANING

GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?

BF: Yeah, why?

GF: Shoot that did in there.

BF: Mmmhuugh

Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.

Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!

BOOMSHACKALATA!

My d*ck is hard, what's your name?

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

Your mom is so fat that she broke your crush!

The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!

I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag.

OK, I'm joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.

You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?

My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.