Relationship jokes

I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.

Your mom is a mom!

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

When is Father's Day?

Nine months before Mother's Day.

I love you, my new phone! 📲

Your mom gay.

Stephanie has a great thumb!

Child: I am hungry.

Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!

Child: *groans* *walks away*

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.

I just had sex.

What can you build with people? A boat!

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3

Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.

Mom: jk

Knock knock.

Who is there?

Mother.

Mother who?

Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!

Ask me who Joe is.

Who is Joe?

JOE MAMA!

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.