Relationship jokes

My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"

I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.

Amber Heard Daily Routine:

Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

Can anyone play me in a no limits femdom RP on Kik?

The best quote by Kim Jong Un:

"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."

Meeting a girl at a park is good, but parking meat in girl is better.

My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."

Little did I know it was just at prison.

Meeting a girl at the park is good. But parking meat in a girl is better.

If an orphan got hit, will they go tell their parents?

My father taught me a lesson of sex in a hypothetical way.

My stepmother gave me a lesson [on] how [it] is going inside?

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

My sis was funny but sad because I have a boy and she doesn't.

Watersharky, do you hate me?????

"Watersharky, we need a little talking..."

Mom, (DYM 147)