Relationship jokes

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.

He just moved back in with his mom.

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't, they just eat out.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.

My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."

I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.

You dirty-minded bastard!

"Your pussy is sweeter than Mom's," Brother admired his sister.

"I know," replied Sister. "Father told me too."