Relationship jokes
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
If a heterosexual man wanted his dick sucked, what would a feminist say to him that a gay man would never say to him?
"Not now, I have a headache."
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.