Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.
Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.
Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.
I once cummed on my boyfriend's dick. { puts an eggplant emoji }
I like to watch porn too ;)
Why did your parents abandon you?
Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."
"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."
Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"
William Spiser is SOOOOOOO gay and likes MEN!
Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?
Because he had a crush on her.
My bro said food was cool. So I threw a piece of cool chicken at him. For some reason, he hit me, OOF.
My ex's love for me :(
I still love the dude sadly, but I won't take him back.
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
What's two lesbians in a tent?
A finger hut.
When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."
My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.
Why does my brother have no mom?
Every like this gets, I will kill a telemarketer.
Every dislike, I will kill a cute puppy.
Every comment, I will kill your ex bf or gf and send you a PS5.
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
So this guy we talked to wanted me to leave forever, and we said, "What? You never want to hear from me again?"
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife leave him? She was sick of buying triple A batteries.
