Relationship jokes

Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!

My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?

Me: (¬‿¬)

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

What is the difference between interstate and intercourse?

Your eyebrows run away like your dad.

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

What hurts the most? 😹

A. Breaking up before chewing.

B. Breaking up after chewing.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.

Orphan: Can I come over?

Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To slide into your mom's bed.

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!