Relationship jokes

I wanna date you.

Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.

Sister.

My father can take a joke because he made one.

Why can't melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

Are you from Tennessee, because I eat ass.

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.

I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

My mom

Homie: Let's meet.

Skrr: It's 🔥🌭

Meaning: It's hot [🔥] dawg [🌭]!

Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...

Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

Raju: How about you, Sunil?

Do you know?

Sanju: Sunil is my long distance

is a brother.

Raju: Long brother?

Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.

Not a joke.

Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?