Relationship jokes
Orphan: Can I come over?
Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!
My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?
Me: (¬‿¬)
What is the difference between interstate and intercourse?