Relationship jokes
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
What do you call a man in love with an emo?
I really don't know.
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
What did the girl say Big Fella27 said, "I love Big Fella 27?"
"Same." HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
Repeat after me...
Me: "You have a weird style."
Mom: "You have a weird style."
Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*
I'll really mist ya.
Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101