Relationship jokes

What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?

A girlfriend likes a bad boy.

What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.

I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.

Friend: Do you know him?

Other Friend: Know who?

Friend: My dick!

Did you sit in sugar?

Because you've got a sweet ass.

Are you Google?

Because you got all I am searching for.

From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

Are you from Tennessee, because I eat ass.

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...

Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

My mom

Homie: Let's meet.

Skrr: It's 🔥🌭

Meaning: It's hot [🔥] dawg [🌭]!

Why was your mom so into me?

'Cause she was the man.

Trystan Leonard is going out with Katelynn O'Toole.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?