Relationship jokes

Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.

Your mom.

Are you Google?

Because you got all I am searching for.

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

Friend: Do you know him?

Other Friend: Know who?

Friend: My dick!

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

Did you sit in sugar?

Because you've got a sweet ass.

From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.

I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.

Why can't melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

What do you call your son?

An mistake.

I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!