Relationship jokes
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
What's the difference between anal and oral?
Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
What did the boy say to the girl? "Damn! You pissy, stank!"
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
My guy: I have a Q-Tip.
Me: You can Q my tip.
My guy: Ayo!
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?
"I will Always Love You!"
Are you adopted?
No.
I mean, who would want you?
Why did my dad leave me? Because I was a disappointment.