Relationship jokes

What is a "dad?"

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

I fucked your mom.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?

'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?

The husband answers her: Pretty.

The wife responds: Thank yo-

The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.