Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
Relationship Jokes
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
Masochists and sadists are made for each other.
My dad left me, lol.
Why do orphans want to get married so bad?
To have someone to call "daddy."
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
IDK! WHY?
To go see yo mama!
Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!
They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"
Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?
Wife: You have good eyesight.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
My friend Harry.
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?
smart
kind
sweet
caring
loving
mature
What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.
